Dacia M Arnold

Mom, Author, SuperWoman

1 comment

#WednesdayWisdom

Imposter Syndrome… When you have this deep rooted fear that someone is going to find out how bad you suck at whatever it is you do so well.

I do and have done a many number of things. I have been successful at XYZ, and yet I find myself feeling like I am no one to teach. I am in no position to give tips. I am an imposter. Wife, Mom, Crocheter, Artist, Builder, Painter, Cleaner, Driver, Shopper, Writer, Organizer, Extrovert, Introvert, Drinker, Flake (sorry buddy… next week I SWEAR). But all these things I do, and do the WELL. SO What’s my hang up?

Imposter syndrome hits home hard with many creative professions, but I think it hits home with humanity. Its that feeling you get when you do something but feel you’re just winging it and don’t deserve the title or maybe even accolades you receive.

You have this deep rooted fear that someone is going to find out how bad you suck at whatever it is you do so well.

Well darn. That’s terrifying. It’s also a lie. You know it. I know it. But we struggle with our self worth and confidence still.

I’ll admit, that after a I write a blog post, I cannot stay off the app. I have to watch the numbers of people reading. When after a few hours, the numbers are scant, I question everything. But the truth is, I am not Veronica Roth, Nora Roberts, Dean Koontz, Brian Keene or the beautiful and sassy Mary Sangiovanni. My book has not been published to even develop a following.

No one is chomping at the bit to know what Dacia M Arnold is like behind the curtain. But if you did, I imagine it will be just like the Wizard of Oz “Pay no attention…” And we all feel like that. Like once we’re exposed, we’ll lose our power, our ability to pray or mom or whatever it is you struggle with.

Well crap, now what? I looked up an article by a guy named Kyle Eschenroeder, and though I did not agree with all of it, i was able to pick out somethings that I thought would be helpful.

  1. Be honest about who you are. Sometimes we give such esteem to our titles that we get lost in them. “Yeah, I like to paint things but I’m not like a REAL painter.” Silly things like that. “Yeah I can drive, but I always go 5 over. Someone is going to find out that I roll through that one stop sign everyday on my way to work.” JUST STOP. Everyone is a crap driver. No one claimed that you were the best painter in the world. Does not mean you should not own these titles.
  2. You are responsible for your success. Face it. You didn’t luck into your position. You weren’t given that loan based on your appearance. Those tiny people are still alive because you fed them something that wasn’t poison. You’re doing fine! Or you’re just doing, but either way, you played a part in getting what you have. Good job, you!
  3. Stop comparing yourself!!!!! I did it to myself just a moment ago. I compare myself to my friends, my sister, my step mom who does everything perfect. It will drive you mad. Stop. Maybe my sister really is a better mom than me, doesn’t mean I’m not a mom. I belong in the club! You belong in the club… just maybe not the crunchy, wear your nursing five year old child club. That one is special, and they want to be special. Let them have that.
  4. Being wrong does not make you an imposter. Just ask the President….     ……      …… But I mean like with real people who make and own their mistakes. Ever misspeak at work? Did the roof cave in? Ever lie to your kid and tell them there were no more fruit snacks or donuts or whatever so they would eat what they were told? Or when you DID get caught rolling through the stop sign that EVERYONE rolls through? Pay that ticket and move on. Don’t go trade in your license over one mistake (unless it was one too many and it was revoked of course… then OOPS).
  5. FAKING THINGS ACTUALLYS WORKS! It’s true. Today I am going to wing my key words and pray this post comes up in google. Maybe this will be my viral post I have been praying for. Most viral videos, blogs, etc are pure accidents. That guy that reacts to gross recipe videos was on Ellen.. pure accident. He is pretty darn funny tho.

 

I am actually feeling a whole lot better now, and I hope this has helped you. I often don’t feel like I “earned” my publishing contract. I make up for it by making sure I do everything I can to market the book before It comes out. I’m waiting for the day when the bad review comes in and rips it apart as a poor amatuer attempt at writing.

What is it that you feel like you’re an imposter at? Work? Home? Church? Hobbies?

-People say I have a good voice, but really I just sing 3 songs really really good. I’m honestly not that good of a singer.

 

One thought on “#WednesdayWisdom

  1. Gosh, Dacia, you’re starting to sound like a normal person. When Hemingway started he was fearful too, but, he jumped in with both feet. Go for it. Write in spite of it. Flip off the world and write on! My motto!

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