Uncomfortable in my Skin

I didn’t get the skinny gene. Or the self control gene. Or the “I love to run” gene. I am capable of these things. But as I climb the ladder of mid 30’s, it becomes increasingly difficult. Not only has ,my metabolism taken a fatal blow, but my resolve to change has too. As I have aged, I seem to hold onto things that make me happy like a selfish child unwilling to share their toys. This is me and “happy foods”.

So today, is day 1. Which means yesterday was spend gorging myself on all the food I should not have in the house. There are a few things left. One box of Girl Scout Cookies, one piece of birthday cake, and a few pieces of candy here and there.

I went to the grocery store yesterday to buy all these whole foods, fruits and veggies. I found that I actually spend LESS money planning my meals than anticipating what I might be hungry for throughout the week. I spend far more on junk than I do when I plan to eat healthy and not deviate from my plans. I hope to use this as a selling point to my mister who HATES having to curb our established menus.

Yesterday I meal prepped for myself. I should have done it for my mister. He is being a really good sport at humoring me, but I know that this whole process is not easy. I also see how everyday we are becoming Leslie Mann and Paul Rudd on This Is 40. I can hear myself yelling at him about eating a cupcake while I sneak cigarettes by the trash can. He completes me, but he also drives me completely insane. I know I can’t do this world without him. That’s why I am glad he agreed to eat healthy with me.

So last night, before I ate my final piece of chocolate cake, I had him take my “before” pictures. I have been through this before, so I was not devastated but extremely unhappy at the state of things. Now that Little Miss is five months, it is time to look like myself again and for good. I am done having kids and will never look like this again.

I’ll try to update my progress on Mondays, but if you don’t hear about it anymore, please don’t ask. You have permission to draw your own conclusion.


Dacia Arnold is an author that struggles to find a balance of work, motherhood, marriage, writing, and the occasional craft. Her first full length novel, Apparent Power, is in the works to be released December 2018. Dacia served 10 years in the U.S. Army as a combat medic and deployed twice to Iraq and often incorporates these experiences into her writings both fiction and non-fiction. She currently lives in Denver, Co with her husband, two children, and a fat beagle named Watson.

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