She wants coffee, not roses!

She wants coffee, not roses!

Heaven Help Me!
My little dude is 5 and loves Trollhunters, Harry Potter, and Pizza. My 19 month-old is transitioning into a big girl bed and screams when she loses her binky at night. I work from home, go to school online and maintain a 3.9 GPA. On weekends we try to cram in some kind of family outing. I share in cooking and cleaning. So let me tell you what I want for Mother’s Day… A NAP!!!! Or a tall hot mug of coffee. Or BOTH.

If you are at a loss what to get that special woman in your life for Mother’s Day here are some ideas.

  1. Her favorite bottle of wine (Beer or liquor for you classy ladies. I have kids. I get it.) This needs to occur the night before Mother’s Day (May 13th, 2018… It’s a Sunday. SO.. on Saturday, May 12th, 2018 you need to present Mother with her beverage. Go ahead and mark your calendar.) You must also give full and nonjudgmental permission to drink the entire beverage before the actual beginning of Mother’s Day. Leave some Motrin and a glass of water on her night stand in case she forgets along with the book she has been wanting to read for months, but has never had anytime because she’s been raising children and working full time. If she’s giving up on this dream, leave her a magazine that she might want to read but would never buy herself because of stated reasons.
  2. On the morning of Mother’s Day, prepare for her a hot mug of coffee prepared the way she likes it. If you don’t know how she likes her coffee ASK HER NOW AND WRITE IT DOWN WITH THAT CALENDAR REMINDER! Kudos to you if you have purchased her a new mug with a snarky saying on it. Like this one:

coffee.PNG

“If you don’t know how she likes her coffee ASK HER NOW AND WRITE IT DOWN WITH THAT CALENDAR REMINDER!”

3. Then LEAVE HER ALONE!!! Take all of her kids and occupy them quietly in some other part of the house. Please for the love of everything, lock the door when you leave!!!

4. If you plan on making her breakfast, which you should, be sure you have a way to unlock the door from the outside. Try it out the night before (again put it on your reminder). And make her favorite breakfast. If she likes bacon… MAKE HER SOME BACON!!! Is she dieting?? Does she like bacon?? Make her bacon.

5. Then LEAVE HER ALONE!!! Take all of her kids and occupy them quietly in some other part of the house. Please for the love of everything, lock the door when you leave!!! (notice a trend?)

If you are feeling like maybe you owe that special woman in your life a little more than a nap, along with step 1., book her a hotel room, even if it’s just down the street. Tell her she can FaceTime as much as she wants but you will NOT bring her kids to swim in the pool or over for snuggles. Tell her she should absolutely NOT feel guilty for having time to herself, because she will. She will be uncomfortable in silence and she might even cry because she misses her little monsters so much. But she needs this. She needs to take a bath, watch something other than cartoons, walk to the vending machine without a parade following her, and she needs to maybe have a chance to drink and not have any responsibility to anyone for just a few hours.

Order her room service for breakfast and hot coffee at a decent hour, like 10am. Call and extend her check out time by a couple hours. Maybe clean the house while she is gone. Have flowers waiting for her (I know I said she does not want flowers, but it is still a nice gesture).

Seal it with a kiss. Then apologize. For anything. It does not even matter. Reassure her that she was right all along about something and tell how successful she is and will be. Tell her she is beautiful and remind her what outstanding humans she made with her body (or someone else’s. They are hers regardless).

Lastly, DO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING IN RETURN!!!! Maybe all the love she gets might make her want to thank you in some way, but do NOT ask or pursue any kind of collateral for your efforts. You know darn well she deserved it.

No clue why I decided to write this today. Maybe because I need more coffee and really do not feel like making it myself. Who is with me???? lol

Dacia

Dacia Arnold is an author that struggles to find a balance of work, motherhood, marriage, writing, and the occasional craft. Her first full length novel, Apparent Power, is in the works to be released December 2018. Dacia served 10 years in the U.S. Army as a combat medic and deployed twice to Iraq and often incorporates these experiences into her writings both fiction and non-fiction. She currently lives in Denver, Co with her husband, two children, and a fat beagle named Watson.


Reader Comments

  1. Love it Dacia, though my wife WANTS FLOWERS. And Coffee in bed. Fortunately all the kids are grown now and married etc. Anyway, she got the flowers yesterday and she will get the coffee … um, next week, she’s deserting me (again) to see her kids and grandkids for a long weekend tomorrow. Now I really have to dash so I can wash the pots before she gets home. Me? Under the thumb??? Don’t you dare! 😉

    1. Thanks, love!!! And good luck to you!! Being a mom is haaard. Writing while you’re a mom, well, some days I wouldn’t know because it’s impossible. 😂😂😂

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