Parenting and Double Standards

I HATE my son’s daycare. It is borderline reportable. I pay these people to nurture my offspring so that I may go to work in order to foot the bill. I’m not an expert. I don’t know what is required to maintain a childcare license in my state. I am simply not happy with the care (or lack of) that my little man experiences at this place. He’s been in daycare before from 6 weeks to 1 year of age. I had a great relationship with his “teachers” and I felt comfortable hanging out and chatting about my son’s progress. There were also cameras at this facility. I never felt I needed to spy on my kid before.

The following is a list of qualms I have with this place.

1. His daily progress sheet.

A. This tells me what they served him and if he ate all, some, or none. Most days “some” is circled. This is so vague. It doesn’t clarify some of which food he ate or how much of some. 2 bites versus 3/4 of his food. I really want to know if my kid is starving.

B. Tells me about his nap and his diaper changes

C. In the remarks section they tell me what the class did that day. Not what MY son did that day, if he had troubles with the activities, if he participated at all or even how his social interactions are with the class.

I’d like to add that my son is delayed in communication. He doesn’t talk as much as your average 2 y/o (if there Is such a thing) He is often frustrated when he cannot express himself. When I ask about “C” they respond with “Oh he was fine.” Thanks chick.

2. PAINT. Twice now he has ruined a shirt with paint. It doesn’t wash out. The second time I walked in and asked if they had aprons. I got silence. I’m sure he made a huge mess and the vibe I got was that they were frustrated with my child. He probably tried to drink the paint, from the looks of his shirt. And I am required to bring extra clothes for him (Two sets) and they did not change his clothes. I pay these people without financial assistance.  Full price. Please put clean clothes on my child. I’m sorry he’s challenging sometimes, hopefully you went to school for this, you have a love for children, and you like your job. Please don’t take your person frustrations out on my kid.

3. SPLINTERS. One day I bring my son home from school. We wash our hands before dinner and I noticed he didn’t clean them well enough. Upon further investigation, he has 20+ wood splinters in his hands. I sent the picture to the DR who suggested if they aren’t bothering him, able to be pulled or infected, it was ok to leave them. I shared this picture with a few friends and all gave the same statement. There should not be anything at a daycare that could do that. Don’t they wash his hands? Did they pay attention to see if they were clean? Why would you not tell me about something like this? I addressed it the next day, and she said she saw it but didn’t know where it would have come from. I look out the window and see a wooden fence that separates the residential yards for the school play ground. Great people. Way to go.


LOOK AT THIS SCAR ON HIS CHEEK!!!!!         ^^^^^

4. SCHOOL YARD VIOLENCE. This is actually not as bad as it sounds. My son got into a fight with another kid over one of those red fisher price cars you sit in and use your feet to move. They DID tell me about this in a written report. He came home with a 1.5 inch gash on the side of his face where the kid took some skin with a finger nail. Didn’t tell me how he reacted. If he stood up for himself or just cried. If he hit back, ect. You’re not tattling on my child. You are letting me know how he interacts with other kids.

5. CLASS ROOM VIOLENCE. This was a chance occurrence that I just so happened to walk up while my son was about to have an altercation. I always peek in the window before going in so I can see the creature in his habitat. He was right in front of the door and wanted a toy that another child was playing with. I have seen this tactic before, where my son will hug the annoying child and not let go. He had two hands on the boy’s shoulders and I wasn’t quite sure where he was getting at. The teacher saw me in the window and THEN intervened. 7 kids per one teacher seems like a lot. Especially for toddlers.

7. BUSTED LIP. Days after the cheek incident. I get another written report when I go to pick up my son. He was spinning around, lost his balance and fell, hitting his mouth on a chair. Bruised his gums and was still bleeding for days. It was so hard to brush his teeth because it hurt him so bad. I was also scared he damaged his gums and killed his baby teeth. Only time will tell. He tore the tiny piece of skin that connects the upper lip to the middle of the gums. My poor some had a fat lip for a while. I’m not a hover mom, but he has never had injuries like this at home.

6. AUDIO. Picking up my kid, the teacher has the radio on with Iggy Azalea.. “Hit the stage ass shakin like I’m nerv-isss” Really… Did I mention I pay these people to nurture my child?

(DISCLAIMER: This was taken PARKED waiting for something somewhere. I would NEVER ride with my child outside his car seat until he’s at least 30.)
7. SAFETY. This is one I hate to share. A caregiver (a hired employee of the daycare facility) assisted a woman to her minivan and helped her strap little kids in WITHOUT CAR SEATS!!!!!! As she walked away she said “Drive Safe”. I hate that I didn’t say anything. This has kept me up at night thinking, I could have checked my kid back in and helped her with my car seat. I should have stopped her and offered some sort of assistance. But that care giver… WTF!?!

Which leads me ultimately to digress. At home I get frustrated with my kid. I get lazy sometimes and he colors on the walls of his play room with his crayons. I get mad and aggressively send him to time out. “YOU SIT IN THAT TIME OUT!” He falls and gets bruises on my watch.

Fell off the chair he was standing on while coloring in the kitchen. My back was turned for a couple of seconds to stir a pot of soup. Oops.

He has gotten into fights with friends and cousins over toys (never ending in scars, though) He fights with me over my IPad almost daily. He says “That’s mine. Give it back.”

I like Iggy Azalea and often listen to her when I work out or am doing chores in the house.

I’m always scared that I turned my son forward facing too soon, that he’s not strapped in tight enough, that something I did will lead to his unnecessary demise.  I should have offered that woman help instead of “minding my own business” and thinking how effing irresponsible that care giver is. She was in my son’s class yesterday when I picked him up. Yeah, the mom should have figured something else out. But she’s not paid. I’m not paid to be a mom.

Last week my dude was sick. So I had a super needy and clingy kid that would not let me do anything. This is the result. If I found this at a daycare I’d flip out. But this is my house. Where he lives everyday. “No wonder he’s sick, Dacia.” No. I’m firmly trying to build his immune system. JK, mom couldn’t catch a break. With all the money I shell out for subpar childcare, I can’t pay someone to sweep the floor. It had only been a week. Give me a break.

So this. Why do I expect anyone to do a better job at caring for my kid than me? No one is going to care as much as I do. I happened on a wonderful nanny once. She was very mature for her age and she went above and beyond everyday. I simply could not afford her anymore and with Husband’s on-call status, she need more consistent hours. We miss her, but agreed that he needed more interaction with other kids if he’s going to continue to progress verbally.

Parenting is tough. 


Dacia Arnold is an author that struggles to find a balance of work, motherhood, marriage, writing, and the occasional craft. Her first full length novel, Apparent Power, is in the works to be released December 2018. Dacia served 10 years in the U.S. Army as a combat medic and deployed twice to Iraq and often incorporates these experiences into her writings both fiction and non-fiction. She currently lives in Denver, Co with her husband, two children, and a fat beagle named Watson.

Reader Comments

  1. I completely understand your rage towards the daycare! I can not believe they did not tell you about the splinters in your poor little guy’s hand! Unfortunately, I do not have any experience with day cares but all this seems very strange. I mean, you are paying them to take care of him. Good luck and hope things get better 🙁

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