I often know what I am supposed to do. THEN, there are times when I truly understand what I am supposed to do. Let’s call this shift in understanding an “ah-ha” moment.
I can cook anything. If the instructions are clear and correct, the meal perfect every time. I don’t love cooking, but my husband and family would agree I am pretty good at whipping things up.
I can learn a new skill like no one’s business. My anxiety (fear) causes me to hyper-perform and I often learn new tasks or finish tasks sooner than anticipated. This might also stem from being competitive, like having to be the first one finished with a test while also getting the highest grade. I don’t love tests or mundane tasks.
When we moved to Pennsylvania and decided to go for this entrepreneur thing for real, I researched and learned the process. I purchased the required software, learned how to use it, built a business plan and at the end felt like I was spinning my wheels. Something wasn’t lining up. I could feel this disconnect in my soul.
When was the last time I had asked myself, the Holy Spirit, my spirit guide, my inner voice anything? It’s been quite a while. Even though I’ve sat in prayer and meditation and professed “I love you and I am listening.” I really hadn’t asked anything of substance worth listening to. I wasn’t loving myself.
Contrarily, and you can read it for yourself in my previous posts, I was uncomfortable, frustrated, unhappy, and afraid. AFRAID. I was creating out of FEAR.
For the month of July, I chose to focus my new venture, Super Woman Next Door Podcast, on Lost Things. It started off as “Seek and you Shall Find”, but I didn’t want anyone wrapped up in the dogma of religion. I lost the love I had for myself and the work I do. I love to write. I love to tell stories. I LOVE MY STORIES. I was having a hard time tapping into that passion again.
Today, I’m choosing love instead of fear. Not just saying it, or forcing it, but feeling it. It feels like being inline with my soul and surrounded by love. My “ah-ha” moment came after a morning meditation where I released judgement on someone I love almost as much as myself (If you haven’t read Judgement Detox by Gabby Bernstein, I highly recommend it). That judgement was fear. When I released it, I was able to love again. Not just the person I was judging, but myself.
I sought to reconnect with myself and love. I had to first travel the road to get there. Fear and judgement are not obstacles to healing and love, they are the avenues we must walk down to get there. I can’t just ignore my fear, I must navigate the path to get to the other side.
THAT is where the stories are written. Those are the moments we hold on to and tell others over and over. We don’t say, “I jumped over my trauma” Or “I went around the hard work.” We say, “I went through that terrible time” And “I went on in moments of hardship.”
Our stories are our badges. They inspire others to earn them as well. That is my intention with Super Woman Next Door and I can’t wait to see where this path leads.